Negatively, forgiving another involves refusing to try to ‘get even.’ Positively, it means wishing another well. Forgiving promotes love and the possibility of intimacy if the forgiven person is now trustworthy. Thus, to not forgive someone’s sin is to punish them. It is anti-intimacy, anti-love, and divisive. Failure to forgive another’s sin hardens us toward love and connection. This moves us away from the life the Lord intends for us to experience. Even more, it distances us from the Lord who says that He will not forgive us if we refuse to forgive others (Mt 6:14-15).
If not forgiving sin causes such problems, what worse problems are created when we refuse to forgive someone for something that isn’t sin but merely a difference of opinion about what to do, what to say, how to act? Mere disagreements should not require forgiving at all but involve gracious tolerance of our differences (Romans 14:1 ff.). Many marriages have problems because matters that are only differences start to be viewed as ‘sins’ and ‘wrongdoings.’
May the Lord enable us to be more gracious than this. After all, the term for ‘godly ones’ in Psalm 149:1 can mean that they are ones who have received His grace and, thus, are gracious. Being gracious allows for tolerance of non-sinful differences. This, in turn, promotes intimacy. Let us wholeheartedly embrace God’s grace toward us and, so, in humility, be gracious to others.
Instead of being timid, learn to be appropriately bold.