Each family should seek the salvation and godliness of its children (Mal 2:15), prepare its members for service (1 Tim 3:1-5), and glorify God (1 Cor 10:31). To do this, certain obstacles must be significantly reduced. These include significant individual problems, poor interpersonal skills, unhealthy commitment to the family, habitual individual selfishness, inappropriate domination, and lack of true intimacy as reflected in either emotional distance or enmeshment.
As much as possible, families should provide for the physical necessities of life (1 Tim 5:3-8). The personality growth of each member ought to be facilitated through displaying love, acceptance, and warmth as well as providing support, and safety. Godly values and interpersonal skills also need to be taught. Individual differences are tolerated because the goal is to enable children to be able to emotionally leave home so they can truly cleave to their spouse. After all, when children are taught to keep secrets to preserve a parent’s image or to always comply with what their parent wants, they may formally stand with their spouse but their heart will belong to their parent. Hence, when a parent is told ‘no’ the spouse is likely to be criticized for violating the rule in the family of origin – ‘do what mom wants.’
Healthy families teach grace, allow differences, and don’t insist that members be more mature than they are currently capable. They pray, persevere in doing good, establish a godly group of people to support them (Gal 6:2), and eliminate or limit interaction with those outside the nuclear family who undermine family health (Prov 22:24-25; 1 Cor 5:11; Tit 3:10; Heb 12:1).
Instead of being timid, learn to be appropriately bold.